20 January 2009

Value based arranged marriage

For all of you following my bathroom story, you would be happy to know that I have also managed to figure out how the washing machine works, without the instruction manual (Eureka!). The intellect is very drained so its startling when this thought about arranged marriage hit me.

Yes, I am in the band of people who are Indian, unmarried and way over expiry date. Ergo, I am the major worry of my parents because, although I'm educated, they don't get to be peaceful till I have a tax-saving, legally binding alter ego in human form. Well, having been through the relationship drill few times and being ditched for being, ahem, myself, I am a bit scarred and scared to get into the whole process again. I mean, it's great and all to come home to a dirty house, laundry for two and warm toes in bed, but I would much rather go without that than go through the whole spiel of promising togetherness and having the chap run out on me because my insecurities didn't conform to their idea of what an ideal wife should feel.

But this type of rationale hardly holds water with the darling parents. I have been asked to draw up a list of things I would like in my next future partner. I was thinking about this list last night and I had an epiphany. You see, I think I have been approaching the partner finding jazz all wrong. Typically I make a list based on physical characteristics (I am human! with hormones!) and usual no smoking, liberal-minded, well educated, must like dogs kinda list. But then these are traits, not values and that's the difference I have overlooked. Because, finally, what to do with traits if the values are messed up? So I am re-thinking the list and its funny how hard it is when you are trying to make a value-based list. So far I only have honesty and generosity (in love, cash and kind) down. Working on the rest but happily working on that list because for a weird reason this list is not so much about another person as it is about my values and unless I get that house in order its going to be impossible for me to invite someone over.


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