It's been 3 months since I broke away from my life in Seattle and flew back to India. In that time my sister got married, my possessions are being shipped to me piecemeal, done a part time research project, visited all my Asha projects and started reading like crazy. I have also started a process to heal from the betrayal of someone I trusted and a system I thought I could use when my emotional world was rocked.
Today that system has been legally severed and I am in the position to start over again - personally as well as professionally because as luck has it I have landed a lovely job which couldn't reflect my philosophies of living any better. A journey of relationships that was started with much anticipation ended and I am starting a new journey now.
Each such journey should make me wiser and stronger but all it seems to do is make me thinner and balder. Whenever friends asked for advice on how to deal with tough situations, I would recommend a haircut. In my case I feel like I just need to shave the whole thing off - go bald; because only such a drastic step would justify the craziness of situation that I got myself into. Of course the baldness thing isn't going down well with the family. They thought the buck stopped at a shorter than usual haircut.
Healing is an interesting journey by itself. I can sense my thoughts spiraling out of control when I remember all that happened. Small phrases catapult me straight into the entire saga over and over again. Then I think of all the things I should have said, but didn't. All the poisonous insults build up inside and there is no one to release them on. So the venom spreads deep inside my body, driving my mind to despair and ultimately shaking my faith in my own constitution. Am I weak or was I made weak? Did I make all the choices or were some choices forced on me? How did I get there? Will I get there again? Round and round the mind takes me through anger, guilt and shame. A three part mini series with no commercial breaks or comic relief. Snap. Out. Of. It. So says sunlight, a roomful of smiling children and a pushy bus conductor. Life moves on.
I have a strong family, good friends and health. and I am off to drink to that. Peace.